Getting out of the Maze

Strawberry Social and 4th of July Raffle on June 25th from 2-4. Save the date for the Village Fair and unFair 5K on August 19th.

I was listening to a Ted Talk for an upcoming book club I’m co-hosting (it’s for my other work and you’re getting a sneak peek, so shhhh, don’t tell anyone).  We’re reading a book by a yogi named Coby Kozlowski.  In her Ted Talk, she talks about being a must-win kind of kid and in a learning exercise, the kids were all put into a maze.  Blindfolded.  The winner would be the first kid out.  She sized up her competition and knew she could win this.  Blindfolded, she headed in, sure of success…

As she probed the walls trying to get out of the maze, one by one, her competition completed the maze.  Teachers stepped in and kept asking: do you need help Coby?  Everyone’s out, but Coby.  Minutes, hours, days(?) go by.  Finally, she accepts the help and is unblindfolded.  

The maze is a circle.  With no exits.  

In order to get out, you had to ask for help.  

There’s something unhealthy about always being in “I can do it all myself” mode.  We ALL need help sometimes.  We all need to receive help.  We all need to give help.  Reciprocity.  We too often forget that we all need help and sometimes…we need to ask for it.  

That maze is a lot like life.  Oh, how much we wanted to be grown ups, so we could rule our own destiny! Instead, we’re stuck in mazes of our own making.  Going around in circles with the blindfolds on and unable to ask for help. Unwilling to ask for help. Or so blindfolded, we don’t even know we need help.  

Jesus as human reminds us how we can do amazing things on the path of love.  We’re just as capable, because Jesus acts in this world as a human, just like us, and does amazing, empowering, and inspiring things.  We can too.

Favorite word and phrase from recent studies: be wary of “exceptionalism”.  Exceptionalism is a form of “othering”.  It’s the opposite of what we usually think of as “othering”, where we think less of other people.  Maybe intentionally and maybe not intentionally.  Sometimes we want to “help” people and in our charity we turn other people into those to be “pitied”.  When we “pity” the others we “help”, it brings us up, but someone has to be brought down in that scenario.  

We’re all human, having universal human experiences together.  We need to have compassion for one another, not pity (words have power).  

In “exceptionalism”, we might think we’re honoring someone else, but mostly, we’re putting others on some imaginary pedestal.  First of all, that’s a lot of pressure for that person which can lead down a lot of awful roads.  For ourselves, where we put others up, we bring ourselves…down.  It can become an excuse for us to not do the work.  If other people are special and blessed or extra-specially divinely loved, then they can do that amazing work…but we’re different.  We can’t.  “Exceptionalism” is often a root of “I can’t”.  

Three thoughts around Jesus as just like us and helping us to walk the walk of walking each other home.  

One.  Jesus keeps good company.  Yes, he teaches and leads his group of companions, but they are also his friends.  Jesus needs human companionship just as much as the rest of us.  

Two.  Jesus takes time alone.  He “stole away and went to pray”.  There’s sometimes just too much and too many.  When we push ourselves and ignore our needs, we put the blindfolds on. We begin to wander blindly around in circles thinking that we’re getting somewhere and doing good, but we’re just as lost and stumbling.  It’s exhausting to be surrounded by people and people’s needs all the time.  We must sometimes “steal away”.  

There’s a little bit of extrovert in all of us.  There’s a little bit of introvert in all of us.  Remember, that the extrovert we love/admire/judge/etc is often an introvert very skilled at “doing what they’re supposed to do”.  Often the introvert we love/admire/pity/etc. is a lost extrovert…hiding from a “failure”.  It’s important to remember, we never know what’s really going on within another person’s heart and mind.  We each have our own balance of inner work and outer work. The important thing is to find ourselves and not judge or compare.  

So, keep good company and steal away into solitude.  That sounds a lot like finding balance.  Jesus needs quiet space, just as much as the rest of us.  

Three.  We all need help.  The story is too big.  You can almost feel the overwhelm in this week’s passage.  It’s something we’re very familiar with.  Look how awful things are.  We’re trying to fix things, but we don’t know where to begin or how to keep going.  We can’t.  We just can’t.  We can feel this, viscerally.  

It’s human nature.  Jesus is human and needs help.  This is when his disciples go from being disciples/students to becoming apostles/to go out. Jesus knows he cannot do this alone.  There’s too much need in the world to do it alone.  Jesus needs help, just as much as the rest of us.  

Another favorite word: reciprocity.  Sometimes we receive.  Sometimes we are to give.  We can’t always be the helper, sometimes we need to be the, uh, help-ees.  

When we feel we shouldn’t need help, very common from the “rugged individualism” foundations of our society, that can easily become a failure.  That it’s only us. That we’ve got this all by ourselves.  That we can beat everyone else out of the maze…all by ourselves!!! 

We’re in this together.  We’re all just (“just”, laugh; who says any of this is “easy”?) walking each other Home.  Reciprocity.  Every moment is a reminder of this balance.  The in breath AND the out breath.  PAUSE.  To pray and rest and breathe in.  To work and engage and breathe out.  PAUSE. Without cost you have received.  Without cost you are to give.  PAUSE. Perfect union and perfect balancing of our gifts.  Our gifts as our blessings and our gifts that we are to share.  Perfect balance.  

We need help in resting.  We can steal away and let others take up the torch for a while.  We need help in our work.  We love this work/thing, but we can’t do it alone.  

Help.  When we are overwhelmed by the world and our lives, perhaps we need to remember these three things.  

One.  Perhaps we need some quality time basking in friends and good company.  Two.  Perhaps we need to find the Quiet Center. To steal away and pray.  Three.  Perhaps we need to ask for help so that we don’t get trapped in the maze and running around in circles.  

This isn’t a multiple choice question.  Is THE answer: A, or B, or C?  No, the secret is to practice all three.  Sometimes we find it easier to be with friends and good company.  Sometimes we find it easier to find the quiet center in prayer.  Sometimes we find it easier to ask for help. 

Which one needs work this week?  Do we need company, solitude, or help?  

It’s comforting that there is no “done”. There’s no “perfection”.  There is a never-ending inquiry to meet with love and curiosity.  There is a never-ending call to good work.  There is ever a need toward tend-er-ness.  Tending and Tenderness.

Once we see what we need most: How can we cultivate really good company?  How can we pray and find deeply wellspring filling quiet?  How can we ask for help (the help we really and truly need)?  

Don’t forget that maybe God is simply waiting on us. W waiting for us to remember the holy friendship(s), waiting for us to be still, or waiting for us to ask.