There’s More to the Story

Driving in cars is like this lesson in learning that we’re all in this together.  It’s small.  It’s cramped.  On a long road trip, everyone gets impatient and tired and a little bit sick of one another.  

I remember when we were kids, we were allowed to buy bags of candy for road trips.  Equal amounts of candy for each of us to make road trips “special”.  All is fair and equal.  Some of us would eat slowly (and let’s be honest: hoard our candy to torture our other siblings when they ran out).  Others would plough right through the candy until  it was all gone.  

The trip would get longer and longer.  And then, we’d all get all whiney and the parents would tell us to share the leftover candy with one another!!!  

It was so unfair!!!  What was the point of savoring and saving if we just had to share our portion with the others who weren’t as careful? The lesson we learned?  To eat the candy (or movie popcorn or whatever) faster than everyone else, so you didn’t have to share and you got more than everyone else. I’m not sure that’s the lesson…

Road trips remind us that it’s not easy to be together, even when we love one another.  “If you don’t behave, I’m turning this car around and we’re going home.” “If you’re going to argue, I’m going to kick you out of this car and you can walk.” “Share your candy!!”  (Whines) “NOW!”

Road trips teach us the tools to “get along” together and some good insight into our weaknesses.  Sometimes, to harken back to last week’s Reflection, we need solitude.  We read a book or listen to music or pretend to be napping.  Sometimes we need company and we “play” together.  We play games, sing songs, and have the “good” conversations.  

Ahh.  Family and Siblings.  We love each other…but…

A favorite sibling story?  It’s a Wonderful Life.  I know that’s a Christmas movie and we don’t want to think about winter yet, but it’s barely summer, I think we can handle it.  If you don’t know the story, don’t worry, but you might want to watch it this December.  It’s a good one.  

In it, the older brother George wants to explore the world, but he stays home and does what he is supposed to do.  While everyone else is off on adventures, he is at home “feeding the pigs” and “tending the family”.  His friends all go off to college and start making big money in big fancy jobs. His brother goes to college and then off to the war to become a Hero.  His brother gets all the accolades, his friends make all the money, while George does the “invisible” work. 

The cool thing is that he doesn’t resent his brother’s successes.  He relishes them…even when they make him feel “less than”.  He always supports his brother, while staying home and doing the “boring” work. But he still feels like it’s unfair.  He still feels he missed out on living life to its fullest.  He still feels like he is a failure.  

Let’s bring ourselves back to the story the kids read for us.  Consider, for a moment, A’s version of the story.  The wild child comes home and is welcomed into loving arms.  It’s a story about whatever we do, however we stray, we are loved and forgiven by God as Father.  Perhaps you would agree?  When we end there and it’s a lovely, sweet story that makes us feel good and hopeful.  

But…there’s a plot twist missing in A’s version of the story.  Siblings!  

Now we get to C’s reading.  The older brother who has stayed at home doing the boring, invisible work of feeding the pigs and tending the homestead is angry. This is NOT FAIR.  He did all the work.  He saved his candy for a rainy day.  He tended the farm.  He stayed to help dad.  He missed out on adventure, but he did the “right things”.  Shouldn’t he be the “favorite” son???!!!  

How do we respond when things are unfair?  And things are unfair a lot of the time.  We know this. Quite well.  

Take the unFair 5K.  We’re exhausted by the time we hit the bottom of that hill.  How do we respond to that enormous road ahead of us?  It feels like an insurmountable obstacle.  It’s unfair. We’ve already done more than two miles and now we have to get up that hill to finish???  That’s terrible!!

How do we respond to challenges and obstacles and hard roads? 

How do we behave when we’re tired and frustrated?  How we respond to that hill is often how we respond to all our challenges: anger, frustration, the desire to quit, the “I can’t”, blame someone else, the tears… 

Then we just trudge on and do it.  It’s unFair, but it’s possible and if we need help we need help!!  It’s okay.  But there’s often a big moment of…resistance.  A moment where we feel persecuted.  That’s our second son moment.  This is not fair!

How we respond is the question.  It’s a big one and we’re offered every day opportunities to explore and learn and grow.  We can choose the immediate response or we can pause for a moment and choose better.  

Recently, I read a reflection that said there is nothing unusually special about caring for the good person or a loved one.  It’s gets really special when we extend love and forgiveness to the undeserving.  PAUSE.  We don’t like it.  It’s not fair.  We do it anyway.  

But aren’t we all brothers and sisters in Christ? Or maybe, we’re all just brothers and sisters.  

The two brothers asks us what’s unfair?  What are our instant responses and how would we LIKE to respond?  What is the point of our perseverance and dedication and practice of love in life if we’re already (and always will be) loved and forgiven?  And everyone else is too?  It’s not fair.  Maybe God isn’t fair.  Maybe God is just plain full of love.  Maybe God is Love itself.  

Recently the question came up: isn’t a loving and forgiving God “too easy”?  Shouldn’t it be harder?  Shouldn’t we be doing “more”?  PAUSE.  The path may be “simple”: Love Everyone (including yourself and your enemy), but there’s nothing easy about that…

I’m, personally, not sure what “more” there is. In my experience, “more” has made me feel…”less”. If not carefully balanced, “more” often leads to “guilt” and “shame”. Maybe a tiny bit of guilt (that was a mistake) helps us make better choices in the future, but shame (I am a mistake) has never helped us to become better human beings to ourselves and one another.

We come together and tell stories and explore together to let it all sink in.  To remember.  Who am I in the story?  The irritated brother, perhaps?  The lost one, maybe? Who do I want to be in the story?  The one that loves and forgives, perhaps?  

Me?  I kind of want to be the sister in the kids version from the Joyful Path.  The one who explores and gets irritated by the unfairness of it all, but then thinks about it a little bit more and takes in the example around her and remembers…to love.  

Our stories give us role models and warnings. They give us so many possible versions of ourselves.  This then, invites us to become role models ourselves. Perhaps our greatest work is to show others that it is possible to lead the way.  It is possible to carve a path on this road where there are so many stray paths.  It is possible to walk the path of love and forgiveness in this life. 

And it is okay to stray off the path.  It’s always there waiting for us to come back.  Waiting for us with loving and open arms.  It’s always there.  Waiting.  Waiting for us to take up the work again to be truly loving and truly forgiving, more loving, more kind, more gentle, and more forgiving ourselves.  Even when it’s unfair and even we don’t want to share our candy or the fattest cow.